well wow. just that single pic and wow my heart pummels down to the deepest of the dang dark hole. didnt expect it to be so but i guess i was just fooling myself. i know that the moment we met, we will never and can never have a chance together. its just not a possibility and its not juts because he has a girlfriend. its more than that. everything about us clash. from race, to religion, practically everything. that never stop me from having a crush though. but i guess at first i do know that a crush stays a crush. but i guess, in a way, as times goes by, i do harbour hope. i do not now what i wanted from us, i knew it so much deep inside i would never break a relatonship anyway. and i guess, i AM too young! sighh. but still. why this depress feeling? -.- tsk. sad.
seriously gota ask him to stop his flirtiness. i guess he know i was still into him thereforefor all the irritatingness. with darren i knew somehow, no matter how close i got to huim, it would and can never be more because hes married and has a child. its him, thats the problem. maybe i shouldnt have encoiurage it. because i am onl;y like always dissapointing myself in the end. but then again. hes just there. and hes cute. and he talks a lot. its just so hard to avoid and pretend when we ae stuck working with each other for 6-7 hours staright aint it?
perhaps you people would thinkim dumb. not just a few post ago i was going on and on about missing this one malay guy. did i??? but no matter. somethings wrong with me, thats the main point. and that is the why i always fall for the wrong people time and again WITHOUT FAIL.
perhaps maybe that is why io am agraid of relationship. why i am phobia of commitement. i dont want to make somebody happy, because i dont want to be hurting and dissaponting someone someday. and on the other hand. i dont want the same thing to happen to me. i am afraid of trusting someone to be able to make me feel SO HAPPY that one day if they left, i'll broke into a thousand pieces literally. call me a coward. but i see too many real life example that i become scared. and that is why i am absolutely happy to stay single
my friends words never goes out of my mind though. she said a few years ago, that i do would want to get married in future because i would feel lonely. but few years down the road, now, and im still afraid of it. so what does that mean? *sighh i dont know and i dont care. but there ARE advantages of having one. but then again, having a boyfren because its an advantage isnt exactly the reason to get together ait it?
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tired
